baby shower
Mood:  happy
i do realize it has taken me a week to write about this, but i have been busy. it went pretty well considering most of the people who rsvped flaked at the last possible second. i am totally grateful for the people who did show up. i actually had a good time, but i was just so tired that it was kind of hard to show it. i was just totally beat for some reason. anyway, when we were all cleaning up it was as if nothing had happened at my moms house, which was great because my dad still doesnt know that im pregnant. heehee. but seriously, did i get some of the cutest little gifts for zander. i especially love the shirts with the iron ons (one with ZIM), the blankets that were hand made and the jacket my mom bought. my aunts sent me the entire bedding for the crib which ROCKS!! i cant wait to get the crib so i can put that together. anyway, i just wanted to thank every body who came and for the gifts. im still going to send thank you cards. thanking over the internet is just totally lame. lol. if anybody took pictures (eh hem), i would like some e*mailed to me because i didnt have a camera with me because i suck. THANKS!!

thunder and lightning
Mood:  energetic
last night was SUPER!! i was sitting downstairs at the "dinner table" taking my nail polish off while it was storming outside. i was facing the window so i got to see all the lightning. immediately after this bright flash of lightning was the LOUDEST thunder i have ever heard in my life. but funny enough i didnt get too scared. it literally sounded like a car blew up. i got a little phased because i was sitting next to the window, but i didnt see any flames afterwords, so i just went on with my business while many car alarms were going off. its amazing how thunder can set off so many car alarms. anyway, jason was upstairs when that happened and right as it did, i heard a loud noise and "what the fuck!" he came downstairs and told me he ducked behind the bed!!!! haha. that was great.

ps...
i get to start working tomorrow!!

10 more weeks
Mood:  happy
Topic: Prenatal Visits
i think the countdown to having my baby has really begun. im so excited, yet so nervous at the same time. i asked jason the other day... so what happens if its actually a girl?? they have made mistakes like that before. i think it would be rather hilarious myself. i asked my doctor about getting a cesarian, but she was like, its not the best idea unless the baby is breech or gigantic. i dont think hell be gigantic. breech is another story. my sister was my moms first baby and she was breech so it kind of worries my doctor, but he still has time to flip over. ten more weeks to do so. i cant wait. my cats have been so adorable lately. princess will crawl up on my chest and lay her head on my stomach and sleep and if shes not doing that, shes laying right next to it all snuggled up. skamp of course still sleeps next to my head. hes such a good cat. anyway, ill be starting work soon. i got fingerprinted for the school district last friday and when that clears (which it will) ill be ready to go. 10.78 an hour for doing clerical work rocks!! the only downfall is that i only get paid once a month and a HUGE chunk of it (315.00) has to go to my mom for my stupid car. can you believe that my car payment is only 100.00 of the 315.00?? i certainly CANT!! i mean jesus, is having a sunfire that bad?? my storm only cost me 110.00 a month and no car payment because i bought it privately. i swear, some insurance companies SUCK ASS!! oh well.

renovations
Mood:  don't ask
okay, so over the past week i fixed up my website. new backgrounds, icons, logos and i added some extra pages and changed the layout of my photos page. so look at my site if you want please. also, sign my guestbook when youre done. let me know if i messed something up so i can fix it (i had A LOT of pages to redo). also, i have about 100 entries in my blog because it goes way back to 2003.

1:31 AM
Mood:  down
so, its one thirty in the morning and i cant sleep. i think this whole being unemployed thing is really getting to me. kind of like when i was working at staples. but now worse. since im not getting up at six thirty and being at work by seven thirty, i get to sleep in as late as i please and most of the time i dont feel like getting out of bed because its not like i have anything to do, at least until i have class at night. this whole situation with my temp agency has really got me all fucked up. i hate them. plus, i signed up for unemployment and because i only worked two days my last week, im only getting $114 every time i get a paycheck from them. too bad $80 of it has to go directly to my mom for my car every time. that really screws me as well. anyway, i was laying in bed for like two hours getting really frustrated because i couldnt stop thinking about all of my past experiences that were bad with my family pretty much. and believe me, there are HUNDREDS of those horrid memories. i cant help but be scared that i might turn into my parents. i want to sit my mom down and really talk to her and ask her why she let her husband hit me and treat me so badly for so long and why she never did anything about it. i mean, its been almost eight years since he hit me, but im still completely terrified of the man. i just shouldnt be scared of him anymore. i am probably more scared of turning into them though. i think if i started acting like them or if i ever hit zander, i wouldnt be able to live with myself. it would be just horrible. on a much lighter note, im totally falling in love with skamp all over again. in the past few days his attitude has really changed. sure he still meows at the door and scratches the floor, but thats kind of normal i think. hes started sleeping by my head again, being all playful in a playful way (not attacking me randomly) and just loving to be petted. he stays near me quite often. it was so precious the other night because i was getting ready for bed and the next thing i know skamps rubbing his head all over my stomach. hes never done that before (hes a face/head/hands/leg/feet kind of cat). hes a smart cat. i think he knows im pregnant. it was just so cute. poor princess though. she peed on jasons side of the bed TWICE in the same day. jasons pissed and now we dont know what to do with her so shes in the downstairs bathroom alone with no beds to pee on. i visit her all the time though. still not tired...

KILLING SPREE!!
Mood:  irritated
okay, so the job i was working at went really well. i got along with every one and i was always on time and took my breaks. i learned pretty damn fast how to do what i was supposed to do. sure, i did annoy my immediate supervisor a bit because i did ask a lot of questions if i didnt understand how to do something because i DID NOT want to fuck anything up. i loved it there. so this tuesday comes and the girl in charge asks if i have my time card on me because they dont need me anymore...forever. they decided to go a different way. why?? i dont know. but my immediate supervisor didnt know it was going to happen because he was telling me about stuff that needed to be done the next day. it was just like that pretty much. i went to my temp agency to turn in my time card for that week and they talked to me. the woman i work with directly started asking questions like, are you with the father?? and im like...yeah. but then we started talking about cats and the name of the baby and stuff. but still. the woman behind me was on the phone making a call to see if i could get a job somewhere else and she told the lady, RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME, "shes having a baby though," which i thought they werent allowed to do. IN FRONT OF ME!! so she told me i couldnt get that job because the woman didnt want to train me just to have me leave for a few weeks. what the fuck is up with that?? they cant do that!! thats discrimination. and now i dont have a job and i have to pay for my fucking car so i can go to school. the two women at the temp agency dont really want me working and theyre totally biased like, "oh, youre pregnant and you shouldnt be working" and the woman i work with directly is probably thinking, "well, if shes with the father, why does she need to work anyway??" fucking sluts. so im going to look into seeing what theyre allowed to disclose and such and my grandparents and my mom are pretty hell bent on sueing if need be. im not all into that, but its fucked up what theyre doing. screwing me out of jobs. ARGH!!

baby shower info
Mood:  energetic
Hello -

We just wanted to let you know that we've registered with Target baby at Target.com to get ready for our future arrival! You can take a look at our Registry online at http://www.target.com/gp/registry/babyreg.html or visit the Registry kiosk at any Target store!

Best Wishes,
Jessica Centers and Jason Marsh

IMPORTANT!! -when you do the search at target.com, i accidentally made TWO baby shower registries and i dont know how to get into the one thats wrong to delete it. the one that has 42 items is the one you want to look at and just ignore the other one. i think thats the first one that pops up.

temp work
Mood:  down
so, i got on with a temp agency and that same day i went in i got a job. im basically doing proofreading of estimations for a tile company. its not bad. im getting the hang of it. the errors ive found have caused quite a stir and im kind of worried. ill get over it. its 10.48 an hour. i only worked four days this week, but thats still good. i get to get up at six thirty and be at work at seven thirty. i get off at four so if im still working there when the fall semester starts i should be able to make it on time or so. jason got grand theft auto san andreas and now i feel like im dating warren again. ugh. come home from work and sink into a video game and be completely disinterested in everything else. that and the violent behavior/attitude that comes with that game. i dont really appreciate that. poor princess had to go to the vet and we dont have a cat carrier for her so he had to carry her and hold on to her. she of course was freaking out because she didnt know what the hell was going on. its normal. he threw her in the back seat and was yelling and cussing. god damn. shes just a cat. shes allergic to fleas... that sucks. skamps being moody too. more than normal. at least right now hes being a sweetheart. lol.

oh boy
Mood:  energetic
Topic: Prenatal Visits
yes, we found out on thursday that we are in fact having ourselves a baby boy. even though i wanted a girl, i kind of figured that it would be a boy because every dream ive had about it, it was a boy. that and i got a glimpse of it at another appointment and just prepared myself. funny enough, i dont really mind that its a boy and i smile when i think about it just because the doctor said he looks really healthy (i quit smoking like a month or so ago woo) and that jasons the father. so were going to have a little zander ira marsh around november 29, 2005. im so excited. im not really in denial or in shock anymore about it. im totally excited!!

who needs hair??
Mood:  energetic
i chopped off all of my hair!! like just about a pixie cut. what can i say?? its hot and im pregnant. it was longer in the picture, but the stylist kept saying, "youre hair is too thick, must thin it out" blah blah stuff. of course im blind so i couldnt see what she was doing or had done until she was done and yeah...

i have returned
Mood:  happy
thats it. im moving to oregon next summer and no ones going to stop me. geez, i totally hate it in sacramento. so hot. not surrounded by hills and forests and small towns or my parents (EEKS!!). i just need to find a good college and ill be set. this weekend was totally awesome. i love jasons mom. shes got cute puppies, but it made me realize that i definitely dont want hyperactive dogs that constantly lick you. ewwww. i finally started feeling the baby definitely. it likes to swim around now and im pretty sure the little thumps i feel is it kicking (its still an it). last night i was laying on the bed and i showed jason where it was and he said he saw a lump, so its really starting to get exciting. in just another week ill get to know for sure if im having a baby astrid or baby zander. woohoo!!

AH!!
Mood:  a-ok
so, i went to the doctor today to do a check up on my kidneys. she said im doing pretty well and its common to get those type of infections while youre pregnant. unfortunately, i have to drink a cup of cranberry juice every day now to keep it from coming back since its happened so early on. she also did another ultrasound just to make sure the baby wasnt affected and she said it was pretty darn healthy. she pushed the formal ultrasound date back because she said it would be too soon to look for spina bifida (which my cousin has). also, from what we saw, it was either the umbilical cord or its a boy. were not sure since the picture wasnt all that clear. but seeing that still makes me happy because im going to love it no matter what.

allergies
Mood:  crushed out
some one PLEASE tell me how to get rid of chronic allergies without having to be so fucking drugged up. oh my god i cant stand it anymore. im up all night sneezing with a fucking runny/stuffy nose at the same time. as soon as i wake up in the morning i start sneezing again like crazy. i hate to say it, but i think part of it is jasons cologne (i have perfume allergies and DAMN that shit is strong!!). i mean jesus, just wear some deoderant and ill be fine. this sucks because its going to be really bad until i have the baby my doctor told me. i dont want to have to take more fucking pills!! any remedy will help (hopefully).

Batman and Kidneys
Mood:  down
so it was lovely. i got to see batman returns with jason and damn!! it was so fucking good, considering the only ones ive actually seen are the ones with the riddler and poison ivy. i fell asleep to the joker one. oops. the movie was just awesome except for katie holmes. couldnt they have found an older, more sophisticated girl who when she talks she doesnt make that fucking annoying curl with one side of her mouth (GOD I HATE THAT!!). anyway, i got to go to the hospital yesterday for a bad kidney infection. i got an iv because i refused to get a shot in my ass (last time i had that done i couldnt walk for five days). i was there for like two hours and i guess i was feeling better. i get to take antibiotics for about five day. funny, when i take the pill, an hour later my kidney starts hurting. i have to drink cranberry juice which is the most vile drink in the world. id rather drink prune juice. seriously. school is going well and in nine days i get to find out if its a boy or girl!! fuck yeah!!

FREEDOM!!
Mood:  caffeinated
the most amazing thing... i totally quit my job yesterday. seriously. i was so sick and tired of all that shit that was going on there. it was SO FUCKING TENSE!! and it was just really stressing me out. saturday at work i was in tears because i was so frustrated. i cant believe they expect me to do everything that i did for only 7.25 an hour. im worth more than that. after ninety days you dont get a god damn raise. what the fuck is up with that?? so im giving myself a month to find a new job and if i dont, oh shit. anyway, this week i got to meet jasons mom and shes super cool. ive never heard a mother swear just because she felt like it (ive really only heard it when they get really angry) and i thought it was really cool. shes really nice and we are most likely going up to oregon to visit her on july fourth weekend and considering i dont have a job, me going up there isnt going to be that hard. i feel so much better and free. id like a job that pays more for doing less, but you have to work as hard. im not even sure if that makes sense. its fucking five in the morning and im awake. ive been up since four sneezing my head off and finally about a half hour ago i took some actifed. pretty soon i should be knocked out. i have my own little countdown as to when i get to find out the sex of our baby and its twelve days. i want a girl, but i guess a boy wouldnt be that bad (as long as he doesnt take after the evil men in my family, ICK).

school, etc...
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: Prenatal Visits
so school started this week on tuesday. the teachers pretty awesome. although i hate history, HATE history, im taking it over summer and i believe i can endure this class. as long as i read (which the textbook is really tiny and the chapters arent very long) i should be fine. i have this other book i have to read and write an essay about thats kind of thick and supposedly hard to read, but the essay isnt due until the final. monday my psychology class starts. im like never going to be home anymore at night. tuesday i also went to my doctors appointment. she gave me new migraine medicine since my old one isnt exactly strong enough right now. the side effects though are lightheadedness, dizzyness, unusual vivid dreams and hallucinations. im like, um, thats not cool. but i can deal with it. i made jason come and we got to actually hear the heartbeat. it was SO fast. thats normal though. afterwords, we went to get some lunch and we were talking about it and jason said he almost started crying when he heard it. in eighteen days we get to find out if its a boy or a girl and i cant wait!! im trying to prepare myself if its a boy and if it is a boy, ive still got like four months after to REALLY get used to the idea. i so hope its a girl.

Woohoo
Mood:  special
So this weekend I went and saw Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (for free) and Star Wars 3, which both were quite nice. I'm glad they put Zooey Deschanel as Trillion because she did a good job. And of course episode three shows how Darth Vader came into light and damn, no legs, a fake arm and almost burned to death. Not to mention he killed his wife. Evil bastard. Anyway, I found this blog thingy and I'm happier with this. I put all of my old journal entries in here and at least now I can keep totally updated like I used to. So the news for people who don't know...I'm pregnant. I'm not lying. It's kind of a shocker. I know I was in denial until I saw the first ultrasound even though I was getting sick. What? It could have been super bad food poisoning that lasted a month. Okay, not possible, but whatever. I'm looking forward to my appointment at the end of June. They should be able to tell me if it's a boy or a girl. Oh god I want a girl soooooooo bad. Anyway, it's shower time.

friday the 13th
Mood:  lazy
I just wanted to wish every one a happy Friday the 13th. Too bad I don't have an all black cat anymore. I'd love to scare the shit out of people, but I guess Skamp will do.

Run Baby Run
Mood:  don't ask
Love can be so strange
Don't it amaze you?
Everytime you give yourself away
It comes back to haunt you
Love's an elusive charm and it can be painful
To understand this crazy world
But you're not gonna crack
No you're never gonna crack

Run my baby run my baby run
Run from the noise of the street and the loaded gun
Too late for solutions to solve in the setting sun
So run my baby run my baby run

Life can be so cruel
Don't it astound you?
So when nothing seems too certain or safe
Let it burn through you
You can keep it pure on the inside
And you know what you believe to be right
So you're not gonna crack
No you're never gonna crack

Run my baby run my baby run
Run from the noise of the street and the loaded gun
Too late for solutions to solve in the setting sun
So run my baby run my baby run

Find out who you are before you regret it
Because life is so short, there's no time to waste it

So run my baby run my baby run
Run from the noise of the street and the loaded gun
Too late for solutions to solve in the setting sun
So run my baby run my baby run
Run my baby run my baby run
Run my baby run my baby run
Run my baby run my baby run
Run my baby run my baby run

hm...
Mood:  down
so i cant believe that on my down time i have absolutely nothing better to do than fix up my myspace page. jesus, i get so fucking bored. i lay around all day lounging with my cats, watching countless movies and being online. i need to think of better things to do that dont involve too much money because hell, im poor. ive filled out so many random quizzes today and shit, its weird. i hate being bored. see, i really want to clean the house up (bathroom, kitchen), but i cant use chemicals because im pregnant. it sucks ass. the bathroom would be so fucking sparkly white that you could see your reflection in the god damn bathtub. not to mention the dishes would be done every day. i hate to say it, but once the boys move out, i think ill be in heaven. another thing that really pisses me off... i was at work yesterday and the general manager asks me if ive had my 90 review ever. shit, its been six and a half months and NOTHING yet. he came up to me and said, here sign this. hes the manager that doesnt believe in giving raises. seriously. so i go home for lunch almost in tears and im hell bent on quitting if i didnt get a raise. hell, if i got a quarter raise ill still quit because i was going to ask for a god damn dollar for all the shit i do for that store in such a short time. i had managerial access before money was missing and i got scared and said, take it away please. yeah, tomorrow im going to talk to the manager thats supposed to give the 90 day reviews and if he says i dont get a raise, im quitting. ill give a month notice because that should give me enough time to find another job. im looking for jobs that pay twice as much and that im qualified for anyway, so they can suck it. theyll be lost without me (and chrissa if she quits too). im feeling so evil. its kind of great!!